Searching for a meaningful life takes one's life-time...

If I reflect upon my past, I clearly see my major mistakes:

• lack of basic courage...
• extreme level of honesty...there must be a balance....
• my misconceived  political stand in my childhood and young days....
• my casual approach to 'money' earning and 'money' spending(over spending)...
• lack of self control...in many cases...
• rejection of a Bangalore based MNC job in 2001, for soft stand and foolish emotions regarding family affiliation...
• blunder of closing my good business by listening to some people( of close relations)  with fake or false ego and false social status...

Later on, many things changed:

1. my spiritual initiation by Sri Ramakrishna Brijbashi of Brindaban, a Sad guru who blessed my and my wife as Sri Narayan in our dry life...

2. a life began, a spiritual journey of inexplicable joy...

3. I suddenly deviated from spirituality, and I started suffering like a stray dog...

4. through my sufferings, I again tried to come back to my spiritual living, but I have already damaged myself and the feelings and emotions and tears have dried to a certain extent...

5. I still keep on trying to receive the frequencies I had been associated with a few years back...

6. in the mean time, many friends(so-called) cheated me by exploiting my inherent simplicity....

7. through my hospital days, and in the hands of so-called sophisticated medical doctor, I learnt a lot of hard lessons...

8. hard realities are now becoming more and more visible....

9. I now am realizing how ego, sex, power, money, lust, anger, greed, infatuation,jealousy are transforming human beings into sophisticated demons or beasts and how family, and social peace are being slowly but steadily  destroyed  on each passing days....

10. My only and last shelter is God/Guru with whom I try to talk to in meditation and find some satisfaction....Truths are becoming more and more transparent and I am in competion with anyone in this planet and I am just trying to be myself till the end....

11. Prayer is my only shelter, only friend, and the last wish....

12. As I can't change others, let me change me thoroughly...